And the Band Plays On by Randy Shilts

I think that AIDS is a thing that queer people in later generations have to find a way to deal with. It’s this piece of living history that wiped out so many of our role models and would-be mentors. We need to find a way to mourn or understand or do something, how to live alongside this past.

It’s something I keep reading about, and I don’t always know how to handle about it, but it can’t be ignored.  It was kind of miserable to spend three straight days reading about how the Reagan administration let people die, but I couldn’t stop reading. It’s incredibly compelling.

This is very well done journalism. It looks at national organizations and political movements without ever losing track of the humans. It doesn’t just talk about the gay organizations, but really digs into the CDC and other medical organizations that were involved.

There are some parts that are dated. Africa gets called primitive too often, and a few other things that pinged me as odd reading in the year 2016, though I can’t recall exactly what now. Some of the language feels remarkably flowering for journalism, but I enjoyed that actually. It added character, made the book feel more beautiful and gay.

It’s definitely worth reading. It’s a really valuable perspective on a really important subject.

People in Trouble by Sarah Schulman

You should read this book, it was great.

Or at least I really liked it. You should maybe read this book. As much as I loved it I can only offer a selective recommendation. This book is not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. It has a lot of strong opinions, it wouldn’t agree with everyone.

There are two main things going on in the book. The first is plot, a love triangle between an artist, her husband, and her new young female lover. All three characters were well rounded and compelling.

Pete is terrible, and I hated him, but he’s the straight guy, I’m not supposed to like him. But I do understand him. Schuman uses Pete’s chapters to show how little he understands, how incredibly limited his world is. By the end I almost feel sorry for him — just a little bit. He’s still terrible, but he just doesn’t get it.

Kate’s journey, moving away from Peter, and towards Molly, creates the central personal drama of the story. Her character allows for exploration of identity, and how it isn’t a solid stable thing, but perpetually in flux. I definitely read her journey as being about bisexuality, and there aren’t enough of those story about people who aren’t young, and are women. Through the novel there a comfortable casual eroticism between women which I don’t remember coming across before, and really appreciated. The relationship between Kate and Molly is flawed, but believable.

Molly’s idealism and hopelessness are the gateway to the world around them. The other thing going on is the setting — it’s set in New York in the middle of gentrification and the AIDS crisis. Schulman was heavily involved in ACT UP, and her experiences as an activist influence the story and the perspective. At times it starts to feel like a satirical dystopia, but it’s always close enough to reality to be scary.

This is a very queer book, with queer characters, who interact with a queer community, and have queer ideas. That’s probably why I kinda loved it. The plot is solid, but the glimpse into this world is what makes it feel essential. It’s a document from our recent history, a part of a story that is still going on, that I’m still trying to understand.

The Normal Heart

I finally had an opportunity to see the HBO production of Larry Kramer’s The Normal Heart. I had read the play the summer before college, and was surprised by how many plot points had stayed in my head. I remember it being angry and heartbreaking in just the right ways, and it still is. I don’t cry in movies, but this had me on the brink of tears.

When I read it I thought Tommy was the best. He was the sweetest, and got some of the best lines. The movie proved me was right. Parsons is excellent in the role, and I love that it’s a queer actor in a queer role. The whole cast is great, but knowing that they aren’t all straight did make it better. If Ruffalo had been even a little bit off I would have held his heterosexuality against him, but he was excellent. Ned is not exactly likable, he’s a dick, and Ruffalo gets that, along with the vulnerability and fucked-upness that makes him act that way. Julia Roberts is oddly excellent, but I never forgot she was Julia Roberts — I don’t know if there’s anyway that would have been possible. It worked though. It’s really something to see America’s former sweetheart in a wheelchair with wrinkles getting angry about how fucking broken the system was.

I’ve been thinking and writing a lot about this history lately, which it feels like isn’t brought up enough. This plague started by obliterating a generation of gay men, as it grew to a global epidemic, while the American government sat back and watched. I’ve been trying to find my way through this history with different books and movies and stuff, and The Normal Heart is an absolutely essential part of that venture.