pep talk

I haven’t been blogging at all. I feel like a failure. That isn’t what I want to get out of having a blog. I write things on the internet for validation — look, other people liked the words I put together, they gave it a star. This is also why I tweet. This is why the hockey blog isn’t very satisfying. I should blog more, and then people would have an opportunity to love me. That’s a horrible motivation.

I’ve been reading a lot lately, and I feel good about that. Sometimes the ratios get thrown off, the amount of energy I spend writing compared to the energy spent reading or working a human being. I feel good about my ratios right now, it’s just that none of the writing has been blogging, it has all been nonsense. I’m proud of that nonsense, but I need to do this too.

I keep track of all the books I read. I used to use Shelfari, but that’s dying, and the export to goodreads was a useless joke.Now I have a spreadsheet with almost everything I’ve read in it. It’s reliable data going back to January 2010, with a lot of what I read before then filled in. It’s pretty impressive. I’ve read thirty-something books already this year, which is nothing to sneeze at. There are ten I haven’t blogged about.

A bunch of movies too, and some albums I think I’d like to write about, and pictures from May Day I kind of want to post. I have all sorts of things to say. But I keep coming back to the books. There are books on that spreadsheet that I have no memory reading. There’s a date read, and a number between 1-5 of how much I liked it, but I don’t actually remember anything about the book. A lot of these cases are comics, which is okay, I read a ton of mediocore comic books in high school, whatever the library had. I’m okay with forgetting some of this. But some of the titles are just? I’d have to google to see what was going on, and maybe I’d find something cool, but it’s sort of sad. I’m too young for these sorts of holes.

So book reviews. I read a lot, and I remember books more if I write about them. There’s a meaning behind the method. A reason. I need to remind myself of that and get writing. Sure, the affirmation of strangers on the internet is fun, but I’m doing this for myself as well, for my own good. Hopefully this pep talk will work.

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